Hello again, world!

As someone heading into the infamous sandwich years of grad school, and especially as someone who suffers from the chronic habit of equating work with life, I'm restarting this blog as one way to combat the lab bubble in which I find myself waaay too often. (Never mind that I'm typing this at school on a Sunday evening.) So, Benzene 2.0 was born between manuscript revisions, molecular analysis, many advice sessions...and some really fun tutorials on web and graphic design when I needed a break from all of the above. Behold the power of productive procrastination.

A brief re-cap, since I know I've been spotty with entries all year: I came up with a new project idea back in January that paved the way for the hardest, but most rewarding, field season I've completed so far. Since summer, I've been picking up new techniques (with many more to come) to start generating data and addressing my study questions. Next semester those questions will be transformed into a proposal to be defended during prelims and, later on, sent to stony-faced reviewers who will maybe like it and give me lots of money. If not, I'm carrying it out anyway, because I am still super-excited and...well, really want to know the answers. And unless I have the option of searching for nests year-round, I actually can't imagine doing anything else.

I know, I sound like a freaking Pollyanna who thinks the sun shines out of grad school, and obviously it's a perky snapshot that I choose to present the world. But of course there have always been the doubt, the anxiety and self-deprecation, sometimes in pretty heavy doses, that accompany setbacks and bad days and comparisons with others that won't go away. And I'm pretty sure this unease remains stoked by the distant but perpetual rumblings of job insecurity�what we're going to do once we have our Ph.D.s in hand. What does it mean if I'm currently terrified at the idea of securing funding and running a lab? What if I fundamentally disagree with certain rules of the academic game? How come no one in my family has ever left work, at work, at 5:00? And what is up with this stigma of leaving academia, when there's no point in pretending that being a professor is what all of us will or even want to do?

All I can say at this point is, it took me all four years of college before I even had an inkling of what I wanted to do afterward, and I managed to get there okay. I'm pretty sure the same principle is operating here, that it's otherwise known as life (cue eye-rolling) and that I'm as prepared as I can be right now. Who knows what will happen tomorrow, let alone four years down the road.

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Things going on outside of school: I've settled into a cozy pink apartment north of downtown, with a two-mile bike commute that's one of my favorite parts of the day. My neighborhood is teeming with grad students, my cousin lives a few streets down, and I am really liking the proximity to stores and restaurants and friends. It's already getting harder to meet new people now that we're three years in, and social circles within departments and programs began splintering off long ago. But having such ready access to people and places makes it that much easier to maintain the friendships that are still going strong. (Although I went by myself to see Jewel in concert two weeks ago. Apparently no one else wanted to relive their memories of middle school?)

And speaking of maintaining relationships, I'm going back to Taiwan again this winter. Last time was pretty emotionally exhausting; I think this year I'll be a good deal more prepared, and returning after just two years is going to make a huge difference. Plus, one of my cousins is getting married while I'm there. I'm looking forward to attending my first extended-family celebration. There will be a LOT of Asian glow.

Hey, look at that, my reaction finished running and it's time to head home. Thanks for reading, and check back soon. It feels great to be back.

If I pull off anything with this genetics stuff, it'll all be due to the folks on the third floor and Little Red Riding Hood here. Thanks Laurie, Sandy and James!